365 days of Cancer

A year. That is 365 days. 365 wakeups knowing I have cancer. 2 surgeries. 1 radioactive iodine treatment. 6 days in quarantine. 3 full body scans. 5 Ultrasounds. Too many blood draws. 7 pills a day.

 

Friendships tested. Friendships lost. Friendships strengthened.

 

New country. New state. New house. New car. 15 lbs gained.

 

A lot more stress than I would like to admit. Sleepless nights. 11 1/2 inch scar.

 

Self doubt. Pity Party after pity party.

 

Blessings.

Friends who have come to my rescue.

 Sometimes it included Bloody Mary's.

 Sometimes just hugs

 Sometimes a famous rock star cheering me on!

Wine tasting with the bestie definitely helps

 Knowing that I was still strong and capable helped...

Moments like these with my kiddos were reminders.

 

Lots and lots of blessings surrounded me. Sometimes it was hard to remember that I truly and lucky. Alive and blessed.

 

I have been nauseous for the last week thinking about today. Thinking about the fact that today marks a year of my life with cancer. The reality that I have no idea when I will be able to say I am cancer free. I can dwell on that easily. I am desperately trying not to.

 

How do you not think about it?? I work daily to concentrate on blessings.

Today I have decided that this year is done. Tomorrow starts a new year and I want it to be different. I cannot control the fact that I have cancer. I cannot change the timeline that is already decided by God for my cancer journey.

I can make this year be what I want it to be.

 

I am ready to make it my year. I am setting goals and making things happen. I have already started running again. I have been walking in the afternoon as well. My upper body workouts start tomorrow with hubby. I need to work on upper body strength for this trip...

 Whispering Oak Lodge Cedar Bend in Moab Utah

 

I am going to be going on a rock climbing/rappelling adventure the end of September. If you knew me, you may laugh. I am about 75 lbs overweight. I have lost all upper body strength- well not lost it, just have too much lower body to lift!

But in this year- I want adventure. I want to see what I can do and take advantage of this healthy (other than that silly cancer thing) body.

 

I am eating clean. I am working out. I am making the most of this body.

If I lose the 60lbs I know I can by the spring- I am Germany bound. I will spend a week with my BFF in the country I adore.

I will run a Ragnar in this next year.

I will finally run a half marathon.

I will start Crossfit.

 

Cancerous. Thyroidless. Scarred. Those are the things I cannot control.

 

This year is about controlling the things I can.