Pathology Report

Met with my surgeon yesterday. Out of the 34 lymph nodes  removed... 20 were positive for papillary thyroid cancer. That seems awful but let me give you the positive.

- they were all papillary thyroid cancer. A lot of people seem to have more than one type of thyroid cancer found... With as much as I had, I was nervous there would be another type in there. Papillary is the best to have... Easiest to treat

- not all were positive! I am grateful for that!

- they were all small. That's awesome!

- the last round of radiation seemed to work. There was far less in the scan than there was in September. So, if anything is left now, this next round should work.


My surgeon is scheduling some blood work. I have another scan in a week or so. Then I will meet with my endocrinologist mid January. Then we will schedule my radiation. He may not have got it all... Fact of life. Hopefully thoug, the radiation will deal with whatever is hiding!

Merry Christmas to All...

Sending Holiday Wishes to you all. This year has been a rough year and I really want to it to end... So that I can start fresh in 2013....

 

I have gotten through this year thanks to a few KEY things...

 

-Family-Friends-Distractions- and most importantly HUMOR. This picture from last Christmas makes me laugh... and laughs have been vital this last 6 months.

 

I wish you all the healthiest, happiest 2013. Please keep me in your prayers for a medically boring 2013!!

 

~Brenna

Post Surgery Photos!

 So- here are Lee and I just prior to them bringing me back into the operating room. I was not nervous until they wheeled me into the operating room and I had to move over to that operating table. That is when it really hits you that this is happening. That when I wake up- my life will be forever different!

Lee and my mom kept me pretty cheery up until the last second. Luckily, when I started to get super nervous- is when anesthesia took over- so that helped...

 Here was my bling. I was loaded up. I had my bracelet incase I needed a blood transfusion. Luckily I didn't. I lost some blood but not enough to warrant a transfusion! I also had my ID bracelet. My third fancy bracelet was the one showing I have no allergies. I also was able to wear my Thyroid Cancer Bracelet in. When I got into the operating room- they just attached it to my bed. So- all those rocking these bracelets around the world- I was rocking it too!! The picture on the right is a picture Ande sent me of her wearing the bracelet and holding her coffee cup that I have a matching one of!

I look lovely right? This is just when I woke up. My coloring is obviously awful from being in surgery but it doesn't help that I have Betadine up to my mouth!! So- that explains some of the orange coloring you see!

My surgery was supposed to start at 10:30. Lee said it was about 11:15 when they started and even though it was supposed to be done in 2 hours- it was just over three hours long. The Dr said it was because he was being super careful to move each nerve. He did an awesome job! I have no issues with my shoulders- which is awesome cause a lot of people do!  When I woke up in my room... this is what I saw!! I had a private room with an AMAZING view of Pikes Peak/Garden of the Gods/ downtown Colorado Springs! BEAUTIFUL!

I felt amazing. Honestly, the only issue I had was the sore throat from intubation! It hurt a good bit but I had no idea how I would wish for that being my only complaint... This picture is from the first morning I woke up after surgery. You can see the two drains and the surgical wound. I had over 100 stitches and then it was glued over.  Pretty freaky looking!

This is the view out of that same window.  We had an awesome snow storm the day after surgery. It was gorgeous. A nice view to relax too!

I did a lot of walking that first day. It felt good to be up and moving!!

 

 

So- day two- this is what I woke up to. Clearly not the most flattering picture. I had swollen up to the point that I felt like I was choking and couldnt swallow or breathe. I could do both. It was totally a mental thing because of the tightness I felt.  I was supposed to go home that morning but they called in the Dr and he came and checked me out. He was very soothing regarding my stress over the situation. He assured me that it would eventually go away.  It may take weeks/months for it to be completely gone...

I went home on Friday (surgery was Tuesday).  This is me on Saturday. Still super swollen! It has come and gone all day. I notice it is worse after I get up from sleeping. I ended up sleeping on the recliner because it is easier to keep me in the 45 degree angle they want me at.  I have taken a few Vicodins... to help with the pain/panic that comes when the swelling is really bad. I have to tell myself at moments that "Brenna, you can breathe!"
Lee and I took C to the park this morning for awhile. I stayed on my feet for a good chunk of the day- which will help with the drainage and the swelling. The swelling is due to several reasons... the major trauma of the surgery for one. Second- the Dr basically stripped the lymph system there which is making my body figure out where to drain now! It will take awhile- but it will figure it out.

Going to leave you with this- My friend sent it to me! Makes total sense and makes me smile honestly!!

Surgery,done!

Had my surgery yesterday. It went about an hour longer than planned. Took three hours to remove about 60 lymph nodes. Luckily they weren't too big but they were taken just because of the aggression of my type of Papillary thyroid cancer. He glued the wound shut. I literally have a smiley face from ear to ear... It is crazy!

I am in no pain. I have taken two vicodins to help with the sore throat from the intubation. I am numb from mid cheekbone to clavicle, probably a good thing:)  The doctor told my mom ad hubby that the surgery went really well... 

Today is a blizzard. Hais school as cancelled. So not sure when Lee will come in cause the storm is soo ugly! I got my own room and they said I can see Pikes Peak/Garden of the Gods... Unfortunately with this Storm, I cannot see much at all! But I am loving the quiet time!

Still have two big drains in to help drain fluid from my neck and also a foley catheter  that should be pulled soon cause I am ready to get up.  I am ready to get out of bed!  What stinks too...hubby has my suitcase and was going to bring it this am...with fresh clothes, toothbrush and a hair tie! Lol

Judged

I am SO tired of being judged. I feel like lately- everyone gets an opinion on my life.

For example-

-I am not done trying for kids. Will I have more? Not sure. We have been using fertility treatments for years, that is how we got Carter. That is what led to the last pregnancy. We cannot justify spending anymore on it. So now, my hope is that the removal of the cancer and the non functioning thyroid will regulate me. There are a lot of "if's" to this equation. Yet I want to keep trying. I feel like when I have told some people- they raise their eyebrows and tell me that I seem overwhelmed with the two I have. Seriously?? You're right. I am TOTALLY overwhelmed. Are my kiddos a part of that? Yes.  I have been through a lot this last year. I had a husband deploy. A miscarriage. A cancer diagnosis. Going onto my second surgery. Radiation. A PCS in a month from overseas. I am also trying to find the right dosage to replace normal thyroid function. Thyroid controls your emotions, moods etc... Of course I am overwhelmed!  Do I think that I am not able to handle one more kiddo? No.

-How I clean my house. What time I go to bed. What jobs I want to apply to. Whether I should go back to school.

Seems like everyone has an opinion lately. I have had a lot of people brought into our daily function as a family since this diagnosis. We totally welcome the help. Apparently, with the help comes their opinions. I do not think that anyone realizes that I have not had my house to myself since mid August!! Nearly four months! 

I am a self sufficient person.  I enjoy my quiet time.  I have lost that! I like to have the house to myself for a little bit each day. I have lost that. Do not get me wrong- I adore my family. Yet, I long for the days when my husband went to work, Hais went to school and C went to daycare. I had my time. To play my music. To watch television. To clean in peace! Those days are gone. I miss them.

I really do not want to seem ungrateful. I am not. I feel blessed that we have had a steady stream of people who love us who are able to come in and help out. It has made it so much easier on the days when I am struggling and need a break. 

I guess my complaint in more about life right now.  I want my old life back. There is nothing like big change to make you realize what is really happening in life. Having people around constantly and needing that help just makes you realize that parts of you are gone. I am longing for 2012 to end. Desperate for it to end. It has sucked.

2013 is my year. I will not only kick Cancers Ass (sorry for the language) but I will refind myself. This is it people... This is it!

Looking for the light

Today was one of those days. I struggled. I was bitchy. I was emotional. I cried. I snapped at people. I would love to blame this or that. I would love to pinpoint one thing. Honestly, think it is a combo of things. I woke up this morning to an announcement on Facebook from a Facebook friend that she is preggo. Mind you- she is like 2 weeks preggo. She just had RnR with her hubby and is barely preggo. I am honestly happy for her, deep down. Yet my gutteral reaction is pissiness. How dare her be preggo. And that easy? I am just bitter. Bitter cause of the cancer issue but moreso because of the 6 negative fertility rounds and the eventual miscarriage at nearly 12 weeks. Bitter because I want another baby and I am not sure it is ever in my cards.

I want to be back to the carefree fun B. I am tired of the ups and downs. Yet I know that is a reality of my life now. There is always going to be a struggle to get the right medication dose and unfortunately that dose controls my thyroid function and therefor my mood....

Onto some tid bits from lately...

-Got on the treadmill the other day for the first time in months... Probably since June of this year. I am struggling with the altitude here. Plus the weight I have gained from the stress, medications, American food... lol... Took me 28 minutes to do a mile and a half. Definitely a long way from this time last year when I ran 7.8 miles!! Yet I have to start somewhere!!

- I registered for the Color Run in Sacramento August 3, 2013 with my bestie! I am sooo excited. I am determined to do at least 3-4 runs this year. No specific distances in mind... just back to running. I love what it did to my body.  I am also signing up for Weight Watchers Feb 1! I have to wait for this next round of Radiation to be done since I have to go on that special Low Iodine Diet two weeks prior.

- We got a new car!! Well, actually a van. A Toyota Sienna. Our van was only 2 1/2 yrs old but we were having constant issues with our brakes and did not like the warranty service they provided. So happy with our purchase!

-My momma arrives this coming Sunday to be here for the surgery. My mother in law has been here since the beginning of the month. Oh- having the Neck Dissection done next Tuesday the 18th.  7-8 inches of new scar across my neck. We had a CT/PET scan done and the results were awesome. I still have cancerous nodes in there but they are not as big or as many as we thought... which means the last round of Radiation worked some... So this surgery should eliminate enough that the Radiation will eliminate the rest.

-I found a program I am going to apply to. It is an accelerated 14 month BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing). I would start May 2014 and finish August 2015.  Awesome! Just missed the darn application period for this coming May. I do have a few classes I need to do as pre-req's though...

-We got our first real good snow! There are still patches of snow/ice on the road in our neighborhood.

 -Found this letter Hais had written to Santa.  Breaks my heart and makes me proud as well!

 -Had Hais 10th birthday party last weekend. It was Cake Boss theme. They each made their own apron. Then decorated their own 6 inch premade cake. We rounded it out with making their own pizzas. We had a ball. Lee and my mother in law took Carter out for a few hours to make it a little less chaotic. It was actually easy having a sleepover with that age girls!

-Our house is all put together. Everything is all unpacked. The pictures are now on the walls! Feels so much better to know I will come home to my stuff/bed etc after surgery!

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