Traveling=stress

So- the lists I have been making for awhile are still just lists. At first I was blaming it on having stuff to do in the last few days when I was getting stir crazy. Now I am figuring out it was probably because I do not want to face packing cause it means facing traveling.

I know it will be fine. The trip will be over before I know it. I will only have to deal with a few hours of craziness on the plane and the payoff will be five weeks with family. It will be seeing my son start forming relationships with his grandparents. He is at an age now that he will start remembering their faces and the way they spoil him. I will get to see my daughter build even tighter bonds with my best friends kiddos, which I love.

Tomorrow morning brings a coffee with my friends... Probably the last trip to the Brot Haus before I leave in three days. Then my hair is going darker...woohoo! I am excited to have my hair doe and go back to where I am comfortable... I love my hair dark. Maybe it will be the refresher I need to get me motivated to start packing.

It will be so crazy tomorrow that I am thinking it won't happen til Monday...which is not bad since I have nothing on my schedule Monday. It will make the day go faster. Cause Tuesday is crazy busy... A Thanksgiving party in Hais class in the morning... A Thanksgiving dinner at the Mahanys... And I am SURE some panic and chaos tossed in there the night before we fly out...

Will update tomorrow...



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Lehrberg DE

Ramblings from a coffee house in Ansbach

What I wouldn't do to have friends here. I love my sunday mornings at
coffee, by myself. But lately I have been longing for my friends. My long
term forever known me friends.

I would love to be curled up on the little
chairs in the corner sharing some besten and marmalade with Ande, while we
sip our cappuchinos. Have the conversation that we both have been dying to have but cannot seem to work into life with 5 kids between us- a nine hour time difference- and busy lives of stay at home mommas!

Or sit for hours with Holls just catching up on life
outside on the benches... All the ten years we have each lived this military
life- knowing what each other is dealing with but never discussing it cause
life just gets in the way.

I can picture Am and me sitting here... Giggling
over what our kids did recently. Both not only relishing the friend time...
But the grown up time too.

What I wouldn't do to be sitting here with my
momma- telling her about the different pastries we are trying and listening
to her slaughter their names!!

Or just sitting here with my sis. Listening to
the stories of her life... Her adventures- the crazy case she just did in the
OR... Just looking at her and taking in all the details of her face that looks
so different from the little girl/little sister I adored growing up.

My cousin
Rita would be fantastic to sit here with too. This amazing woman who I
think of as that little girl I would put on my lap and swing with in our
backyard... Has become this amazing momma (soon to two) and wife. Maybe
she could spend the time here telling me all about how to cook like her or
sew like her... All the domesticated skills that bypassed me.

My mother in law
and I have sat here a few times. We have come here with my kiddos and
my friends. I am blessed with a mother in law who is a good friend. I
can chat with her about life and especially military life. She gets it. She let's
me go on and on, sometimes thinking how ridiculous I am being I am sure,
then is my voice of reason. She reminds me of the things that really
matter.

I have a lot of special people in my life... such a blessing. But these are the people I miss more than anything cause they are not a physical part of my life on a day to day basis.. But only two weeks and I will be hugging quite a few of these people! YAY!!

Countdown

Super excited and super overwhelmed. This last few weeks has been insane. I have been constantly going. Last week included 40 hours at the hospital waiting on this adorable little man to make his arrival. I will have to do an entire other post about that... just let me say that his momma is amazing- he is gorgeous and it will go down in as one of the single most precious moments in my life!

A great part of the week included a coffee with ten lovely ladies. There were ladies who had been here three plus years and one that had arrived the day before. There were officers wives, warrant wives and enlisted wives. There were new Army wives and long term Army wives. There were mommas and ladies without kiddos. It was fantastic!

Then of course- there was trick or treating... I had a cute witch and an adorable Dumbo. It was nice to have the entire family together this year! We went with the Chattins and Bartletts. It is nice being on post cause it is a big social event- you run into everybody you know!





Sunday is looking like a trip to a fest in Rothenburg. That is be a lot of fun. I am excited to head to the states for 5 weeks but also bummed I will miss the Christmas markets. And Lee will be gone next year- so no more markets as a family- which sorta stinks.

But- only 22 more days til I will be landing in NC. I will be in a house with family. I will get to see my inlaws and relax a little. Then two days later- still jetlagged I am sure- I will be on a plane to CA. Three glorious weeks there!

Shutterfly shutterfly shutterfly!

Shutterfly is again offering a holiday card deal for bloggers!

http://slickdeals.net/?sdtid=3460154&sdop=1&sdfid=9&u2=http://www.shutterflycards.com/2011/10/bloggers-25-free-christmas-cards-from-shutterfly/

They are only offering 25 free instead of 50 like last year but any little bit helps right?? Go register and start looking at all the fantastic choices there are!! I have it narrowed down to like 30...lol

Weird

I have not been able to post from any of our computers. I can type up a posting. Save it. Then I have to get on my iPad to actually post it. Anyone else having this issue or have any suggestions as to how to fix this?

Back on Track

Holy Batman! It has been over 2 months since I have posted. That is awful! What is funny- I read the same blogs I normally do and my absolute favorite is Ashley over at The Domestic Wannabe. I love all things about her site but I am especially loving her Monday Health & Fitness posts. I read them every week and have all these things to contribute. This week- I am finally doing it.

So- back in May- Ashley inspired me to start the C25K program. It changed my life. I lost 25 lbs and two pant sizes. I was running every morning at 5:30am. I had more energy and just was a generally happier person! It was awesome. Then summer happened. It was hard to get up that early to run when I did not have a reason to be up. During the school year it was easy. I had to be up at 630 to get Hais ready for school anyhow... so being up at 5:30 worked. With Hais sleeping in during summer- so did I! I ran a few times but overall my 3-4 runs a week went to 1-2... then to 1... then 0 for some weeks.

My grand plans were to restart during fall. The first time I did it- I realized how dark it was still at 5:30 during fall here in southern Germany. One more excuse to not do it right? Ugh!

So- an important thing to tell you- I am signed up for an 8 mile run in less than 2 months. The farthest I have run in the last 2 months has been 1.5. Big deficit! So- this past Saturday night as I went to bed... I decided I would get up and run the next morning. I set my alarm for 7am and laid out my clothes. I had in my mind that I would run to the Rangauklinik. I figured that was just over 2.3 miles one way. I find that I do better if I have a preset run in my mind. I am stubborn- so no matter how I am feeling- I will make that run. I got out in the morning at about 7:12. It was freezing! Seriously in the mid 30's. I could not find my iPhone holder- so it was safely tucked into my sports bra during the run. I got my GPS locked in on the Forerunner 405CX and off I went.

The first mile- sucked! I had a hard time getting my breathing under control. I felt sore and stiff. But by 1.5 I was feeling better. When I hit the Rangauklinik- it was only 1.85 miles- which was not as far as I wanted to go. So- I kept going. I ran all the way into Ansbach. I felt awesome!!! By the time I reached home it was 6.63 miles- in 1 hour and 24 minutes. I felt great. I ran the entire thing. It was the farthest I have run in 10 years!!

I am sore today. I can barely walk downt he stairs. It isn't as bad as last night. While I would like to cut some time off the run and still add another mile- it was a GREAT confidence booster to know that on December 4- this run is totally doable!

If you are still reading this- you are awesome!

Crystal's Diaper Derby

So, after months of planning, the shower has happened.

These pictures do not do it justice. While the weather may have made our Garden Party have to occur inside... it was still fantastic!

The house was amazingly decorated. Lots of yummy food. Great hats. Tons of fantastic women there to celebrate one of the best women I know....

Enjoy the pictures. They are horribly out of order- sorry!

All of us in our Garden party attire- complete with big hats (or big flowers:))
The dessert table... trifle, apple pies, cherry pies, truffles, fruit salsa with cinnamin chips, cupcakes, red velvet cake, chocolate coated pretzels, nuts and lemon cookies...

Loved how our decorations came together. A good mix of sophisticated (POMS) and baby (onesies).
We asked the guests to help fill Jackson's bookshelf. Ry and Crystal are big time readers... and when I found the quote framed above- it all made sense!

Absolutely hilarious book given the the parents... fantastic. Not appropriate for kids but absolutely appropriate for a good giggle!
Our preggos in attendance in order of due date. Bethany (in yellow) is due in 2 weeks with sweet baby boy Silas...

The favors were cute glass vases with flowers... Part of the gifts to the parents were these cute little "My wish for baby" cards that everyone filled out. Then I bought a wood box to put them in and had Hais decorate the box for Jackson... it is special cause Ry & Crystal are Hais godparents. So- she thinks Jackson will be her cosin (her spelling on the box- lol)...

We also had everyone use their fingerprints dipped in paint to make leaves on a tree on a canvas... to hang in J's room too!

It all came together famously! I had lots of help... from bakers to decorators... We also had to coordinate some last minute baby sitters when a few of our hubbies were sent on a mission to Kosovo last week... lol.

So happy it came together how I wanted it to! I do wish I would have had a slice of Meghans red velvet cake though...cause the small bite I had was fantastic!

Tina Feys Prayer for a daughter

Just fun and SO fitting when I think of Hais and how fast she seems to be growing up!

Tina Fey's Prayer for a Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Going TDY with the hubby

So this week was hilarious!

All the stars aligned. Third trip to Erhlangen (45 minutes each way) to see the fertility Dr. Finally, we have a follicle. Not only a follicle but a PERFECT one. Yeah! I get my ovulation shot stuff and bring it to Lee's office so he can give me the shot. Nothing like standing in your hubby's office and having him give you a very uncomfortable shot right above your butt.

Sounds perfect right? What we have been waiting for. One thing I forgot to mention. Lee was leaving in three hours for 4 days. They decided instead of taking him Thursday and Friday... They need him Tuesday through Friday. Not normally a big deal but seeing as that I would be ovulating Wednesday night- thursday morning... Definitely a necessity to have him around! I cried... I was upset.

The doc could have delayed the ovulation but then we risked the follicle going bad. So... The only option was for me to go to him. Money is always tight at the end of the month. But we figured it out. I would drive the 2 1/2 hours and stay at the hotel the guys were staying at. Hailee went to a sleepover. Erika and Aaron stayed the night at our house with Carter and Bane. Crystal went with me. It was awesome.

We drove down to Schongau. An awesome little walled city south of us. We got there early... The guys were still at work. So we checked into our hotel room and headed out to walk around for a bit. We found some awesome little stores. Crystal even found one that she bought a coat and two cute shirts for a total of 20 Euro. Awesome!!! We got some coffee. We relaxed.

When the guys came back... We all went to dinner. We are pretty sure the restaurant/ bar we were in was a gay bar. I won't go into details... But the food and atmosphere was amazing. We hung out with the pilots and crew chiefs. Had some awesome dinner. It was so nice to be away for a kid free night. Also great that I did not worry about my kiddos once... I knew they were fine.

We got back to our rooms about 10:30 and according to crystal, she went into the bathroom to wash up and came out and I was asleep. Never fails. Whenever I am away from my kids for a night... I am out cold!

We had an amazing breakfast the next morning. Amazing!! The boys headed out to work. Crystal and I did some more shopping. Then we headed back... It was great!

The hubby and I accomplished what the reasoning was for me to be there:) Too much info, I know. But remember, there was a big reason for me crashing my hubby's mission down there. Also, what is hilarious, he beat us home. Yep, the weather was solo bad- they couldn't even fly. So he was back in Katterbach before we were. But what a fun night away!!!!

Blogger issues

Blogger is hating me! I have been wanting to blog for like a week but my computer died. For some reason my daughters computer won't let me. So... At least my iPad will!
I have been busy busy busy!
I will update soon and hopefully not from my iPad cause it stinks to do it from this!!!

A lonely feeling...

I wrote this last week but am finally able to post it... Which is hilarious when I think of the next post I need to do...

I like to be honest. Sometimes brutally. Sometimes sharing more than I should.

Then- other times... I completely shutdown.

I am not sure why- but sometimes I feel as though the world is against me.

Not in a paranoid freakout sort of way or anything:)

In these moments... I retreat.

I want to hole up in my room and ignore the world.

Sadly- this is not usually an option.

I have two kiddos and life to attend to.

Usually those are the times I run to this blog.

Here, I can be honest and open.

Lately I have regretted that family and friends know about it.

I do not write about a lot of controversial topics or anything. And I do not smack talk crazy family members.

But I am honest. I am truthful.

I share what is bothering me.

Lately, it has come back to haunt me.

I have been super open about my fertility struggles.

The first time (trying for lil man) was easier. We were so hopeful and excited.

We did not understand the process- so we were kind of clueless about what to expect.

This time is different.

I know the heartache that comes with 9 out of 10 visits. I know the process will take months.

I know that I will be disappointed more than surprised.

I also know- that the end result is worth it all.

Yet- it doesn't truly make the process any easier.

Know what else doesn't make it any easier?

Being surrounded by preggos.

If you read my blog- you will see that is my biggest complaint.

A TON of my friends are preggo.

And not just my "friends" but my FRIENDS. The ones I love being around friends.

What sucks is that I could not be happier.

But what also sucks- is the crappy feeling I get for being sad too. I feel awful.

I feel awful for being upset that they are preggo.

What a crappy friend I must be right?? How can I not be anything but thrilled? Isn't a good friend supposed to be wanting to celebrate?

I do want to celebrate. But I also want to cry. I also want to shout "Its not fair" from the rooftops.

A crappy friend wants to cry. A crappy friend wants to shout "Its not fair."

Now I have hurt friends feelings. I have alienated some.

They do not understand that the shout of "Its not fair" has nothing to do with them.

The wanting to cry- has nothing to do with them.

I want to shout because it is not fair that my body does not work.

I want to cry because I will drive another 75 miles round trip this week (second trip in 5 days) to be told in less than 5 minutes that it has not worked yet again... and come back in 4 more days.

I feel like I am having to apologize. I am not sure what is worse.

Feeling totally inadequate as a woman- to not be able to have a baby naturally; or to have to apologize for being devastated by it.

I love my friends. I love the excitement of their lives right now.

I also know that sometimes- I have to have a pity party for myself. I have to be angry. I have to be jealous. I also know that I will be bitter when I listen to their complaints.

But at the end of the day- I celebrate with them. I throw them baby showers. I get excited to hold their babies. I celebrate. For them.

Confess People

Weekly Confessions....

*I Confess... this week I have been craving an entire day home. It is just not in the cards though. Everyday has included an appointment of some sort. I want to stay home and be lazy for a day!

*I Confess... every time I weigh myself... I weigh myself three times and take the middle number. For some reason, I do not trust my scale- even when the number is one that I want!!lol

*I Confess... I am stressing over the next two months. Hubby is going into a sort of field environment the end of the month for a few days. Then Colorado for a week the end of August. Then he will be gone the entire month of September. I am not one of those wives that cannot function on my own. I actually enjoy it once we get the routine going. I am just thinking of how not only school will be in session but we will also be in the heat of soccer season! Two practices a week and a game- all with lil man in tow...

*I Confess... I am OVER the moon about tickets being purchased for our trip to the states in Nov/Dec. The kiddos & I will leave Nov 23 and return Dec 30. We are flying to NC... we will spend Thanksgiving there... and then fly to my parents in Ca for two weeks in the middle... Lee will come out and join us Dec 16-30... Did I mention that my inlaws bought Carter a ticket? Awesome right! No holding an 18 month old for 10+ hours!

*I Confess... I am totally awaiting tonight for the great television shows on!! Big Brother is on here tonight!! YEAH!!! I cannot wait to put kiddos to bed and go curl up in my bed. I totally will encourage the hubby to go play video games in the man room cause I do not want any interruptions in my guilty pleasure television!!

*I Confess... I am struggling with finding happiness for all the preggos around me. I love them all. I am totally happy for them all. Yet- I do not want to be around any of them. That sounds ugly. I know that. I keep telling myself that it is going to happen for us... but I just cannot share in their happiness right now. I cannot listen to their complaints (however valid they are). I cannot put the happy smile on for one more person that announces their pregnancy. But know what... I will. Life is life. I cannot hide out in my house. I cannot avoid preggos when almost everywhere I go- someone is preggo... It is a military community that is 7 months post deployment... TONS are preggo!

WWTK

This week there are some awesome questions!! Go link up with SS, Janette, Mamarazzi and IA...

1. Name five of your favorite new blogs that you're reading.

~Polos, Pearls & Pacifiers... She is adorable.

~Slimming Down for the Gown... She was on a mission- to lose weight before getting married. She did it! She just got married- lie two weeks ago... She went from 200 to 128!!

~Blonde Glambition... She just seems like a cool chick you would want to hang with. She loves her man. She lives in Hawaii and she makes cakes!

~The Domestic Wannabe... This is one of the first blogs I started reading. Our kiddos were due on the same date. Now I read it because she is on this amazing journey--- running and eating healthy. She has been the catalyst for the changes I have made. Go check out Ashleys page!!

~Ben & Katies... We are a military family. This is an adorable couple who has been dealt a cruddy hand. An accident nearly took their lives. Yet they are entirely taking it for what it is... keeping their love alive and leaning on each other. Amazin...

2. When you were a young child or teenager, did you have an idea of how many children you wanted and what their names would be? Did you follow through on your ideas?

I always wanted two. A boy- then a girl. Names have changed ALOT! I wanted them close together too. Yet- I ended up with a girl first and a boy 7.5 years later! hehehe.

Oh- and we are trying for one more:) We ended up with a Hailee and a Carter. Next one will either be Trevor or Brynn or Blair.

3. What is the silliest thing you fight with someone about? It could be your spouse, sibling, parents, co-worker, etc.

I fight with my hubby about a lot of stupid things. Isn't that my job?? lol One that comes to mind is recycling. We have to recycle everything here. Once a month they pick up our plastics and paper. Instead of just stockpiling the bags of plastic and putting them out once a month- he puts them in the garage and then insists that he will take them into post and recycle them there. It is stupid!! Just leave them here and put them at the end of the driveway like everyone else! UGH!

4. What is your favorite scent that others may not find very nice? Ex. gasoline, sweat from your sweetie, etc.

I love the smell of fresh mulch after it is laid in the yard! We just spread 36 bags in the back yard and when I go in and out that door- I catch myself taking a deep breath! I love cedar mulch!

5. What are your thoughts on plastic surgery? (Have you had it? Want it? Regrets?)

I am anxiously awaiting some! As soon as I am done having kiddos- the Army is giving me a reduction and lift. I have been carrying around a 40G for the last 6 yrs. Even in high school when I was 120 lbs- I was a DD. These girls are going away! I want to go down to a small D. And I told my hubby- if I am not happy with them- I am getting implants. I have not been perky in a long time and I want PERKY! lol

All things food!

So- in planning this baby shower- it is no big surprise that the easiest part is the food!
Maybe cause I love food and maybe more so that I am watching what I eat- so it all looks amazing!
We are not doing a meal. We are doing a big dessert table! Yummy right??
The shower is on a Saturday night at 6:30...

Look at the yummy desserts that we have picked out for the table...

This will be the main cake. We are only doing a little round cake cause there will be SOOOO many sweets... I am doing a coconut one cause I am crappy at frosting. The coconut will cover it.

These are the cupcakes I ordered from a local lady. Since it is a garden party- I loved these flower designs. We are also having hydrangea ones. The colors are perfect too!

The hubs and I are making these. I ordered the mini tins. He is a pie maker! I am even doing the little toothpick flags. I think we are doing 3-4 different pies...

One of my friends Grace is making a trifle... or strawberry shortcake sort of one...

Found the recipe for these little apple donut holes. They are baked and super easy!!! How cute will these be? I am thinking of what sort of serving dish to use...

I am tempted to make these gorgeous little beauties... Thinking little "J" on them (for Jackson)

Have to have some sort of healthier option as well. This fruit salad is super easy. It is actually more of a dip than a salad... and those yummy cinnamin/sugar homemade chips...

These sunburst cookies are another easy thing. The color is a big part of what I love about them...

Have to have some sort of chocolate too. These are turtle cheesecake truffles. They are literally SUPER easy. Cream cheese mixed with graham crackers. Dip them in chocolate. Crushed pecans on top with a drizzle of caramel... Mmmmm...

We will also have little bowls of nuts. My mother in law rocks and sent me a ton of different types of nuts. There are candied ones... salty ones... mixed styles... We figured there should be something that is not sweet- to balance the table!! lol

Lets look at the drinks too...

Meghan bought these adorable drink canisters from Crate n Barrel. One will have sweet tea in it and the other will have sparkling punch...

These adorable little tags will be on the canisters:)



Sort of a table like we are aiming for!

This is the sparkling punch that we are using... It will be in one of the canisters... Instead of each glass having fruit like that- the canister will have the fruit in it... How yummy looking and just simply adorable looking!

Thanks for listening! This party is amazingly fun to plan. It may have something to do with the amazing person I am planning it for!

WWTK

I love answering random questions... where better to find those than the weekly link up with IA, SS, Janette and Mamarazzi!


1. What was the last thing you searched for online?

Mini Disposable Pie Pans... I am in full baby shower planning mode. So- one part of the dessert table is 32 mini pies in 4 different flavors... My hubby is the bomb at baking pies. He is in charge of this part.




2. If we visit your home state, what is one MUST we should do before leaving?



Really? I am from California. The list goes on and on:) hehe

I am partial to Northern Ca though- so you MUST see Lake Tahoe... San Francisco... the Redwoods... Highway 1...

3. What do you think pharmaceutical companies should invent a pill for that isn't on the market yet?


I need a pill that makes my husband think more before he talks... Like a "Holy crap should I really say that pill." Some of the things that comes out of his mouth at times is utterly ridunkulous.... I love him but for real?? lol


4. When was your first kiss? Was it good or bad?
Sad that I do not remember exactly? I guess that means it sucked! lol Or at least did not leave a huge impression on me!

5. What is your guilty pleasure tv show that you can not miss?


There are no real guilty pleasure "have to watch" shows right now. AFN is all over the place as far as when they put something on. I can tell you though- when they eventually play some Big Brother- it is on!! I adore any sort of reality show... I just discovered that they are playing the RW/RR Challenge and I am hooked (Shut it- I know I am almost 32 and far too old for that crap- but I am a sucker!)

Life is Not Fair

Life is unfair. We all know that. Some things about it though are a little more heartwrenching than others. For instance- I would love to be stationed near my parents. I am jealous of those in California. I wish that I could go eat at an awesome restaurant without thinking of calories. I wish I had a few thousand in my bank account.

But all those things I deal with because at the end of the day they are not of real importance.

What is important?? Fertility. Life is not fair. Some people get preggo without even trying- or without even wanting the baby. Some people have never had to worry about whether or not they will add to their families- it is just a matter of when.

Then there are people like me. I am making hour long weekly drives, getting shots in my stomach daily, getting blood drawn weekly, worrying constantly... just crossing my fingers for a baby...

As all this is happening- I am watching friend after friend get preggo. Listening to them complain over the weight they are gaining or the fact that it took 3 months instead of 2. Hearing comments like "I didnt realize it would happen that fast."

Do not get me wrong... I am HONESTLY happy for each of them. I love them and want whatever makes them happy... it just still stinks when you are on the other side. Shots daily stink... but the emotional roller coaster is even worse. It is emotionally draining on my husband and I... and our relationship...

Life is not Fair...


PS- I had to add something in... Dawn from Musings from the Pigg Pen sent me this link to an article on Our Cup Runneth Over

- the article is amazing... but one part stood out to me more than it all...

~Believe it or not, I was truly excited for my friends. It’s a weird feeling being sad for yourself, but being thrilled for a friend. Trust me, my joy for my friends overcame my sadness for myself.
-Cilla

Thank you Dawn... it was just what I needed!

4.31 miles

Got 4.31 miles in this morning.

Some may think it is nuts to get up at 6:30 on a Sunday morning to run.

It is.

Until I can get over the feeling of not wanting to run in front of lots of people- it is what it is!

I absolutely loved this morning.

I ran through our little town and then back along the river. I have been down by the river because that is where the Fest for our town is each year... but running there this morning was awesome. It is gorgeous, peaceful and a change of scenary from my runs this last month and a half...

I did not take any pictures (cause- well- I was running)...

But after my run- when I was cooling down... I took some pictures for you to enjoy...

I spend my entire run dodging these two creatures... the snails and slugs are everywhere!! It doesnt help that it rains nearly everyday... so they come out of the fields in force!! It is kind of nice though cause it distracts me from how long/far I have been running- I am so busy trying to avoid coming home with a snail shell stuck in my shoe!

Here I am coming back into my town... that is my neighborhood right there. You can see the church tower to the left... and up on the hill you can see what remains of a castle tower... I love my town.

My iPhone seems to want to overexpose some of these pics...

Here is my smiling (and red & sweaty) face after my run this morning!! Self portraits are tough with an iPhone!! lol

*I know it means nothing really- but know what is motivating... coming home from a run and taking a shower... then weighing myself. I saw a number on the scale that I have not seen in close to 5 years.... Just seeing that number makes it all worth it!!

Homesick momma...

Been totally homesick lately...

it sucks to be homesick when there is nothing you can do about it...

I am a big girl- I know that life sucks sometimes and you do not always get what you want.

But it doesn't make it any easier.

I feel like I am missing out on moments with friends...

Seeing their kiddos grow up. Spending time on their couches with glasses of wine and long conversations.

My kiddos are missing out on time with their grandparents. Missing out on bonding with my sister.

I feel bad for some of my friends. I have quite a few that have barely been home since moving here and honestly- a few that have not been home at all. I cannot imagine!!

I have averaged 2 trips home to the states a year.

If it weren't for the pricetag and the 12+ hours to flying- I would go home even more!

I know space-A is an option but it truly isnt... not for me.

The idea of hanging around in a terminal with kiddos hoping to get on a flight- to end up somewhere you will scramble for another flight or a car to rent to drive... mmmm. No.

I just want to be able to go home. I want my kids to go to school in my hometown. I am itching for Christmas to get here. I will be spending 3 weeks in NC and 2 weeks in Ca... awe!! Next summer I will be spending about a month in Ca and a week in Co, a few days in Tx and a few weeks in NC... cannot wait!!

Enjoy my family & friends!

Beware- picture overload coming!!

Had a GIGANTIC turnout to celebrate lil mans birthday in April back in California. We felt the love!

Love seeing my kiddos reactions to my sis- they both adore her!

My daddy with lil man

Friends since high school

There is nowhere like my best friends house...

My mom with Hais in SF

They are crazy... and I love them

One of my favorite fams...

My kids have a blast with the Freehill kiddos

The entire Koko clan!

Loving time with Aunt Sheesh

Two lil cousins... checking each other out

The two oldest- bonding over ice cream

Me & my momma

Can you see why I miss home??

I have the most amazing family and friends... I wish I could get home more often.

Instead- I go home and soak them all in and that feeling gets me through the remainder of the year when I am missing them like now!