Today was one of those days. I struggled. I was bitchy. I was emotional. I cried. I snapped at people. I would love to blame this or that. I would love to pinpoint one thing. Honestly, think it is a combo of things. I woke up this morning to an announcement on Facebook from a Facebook friend that she is preggo. Mind you- she is like 2 weeks preggo. She just had RnR with her hubby and is barely preggo. I am honestly happy for her, deep down. Yet my gutteral reaction is pissiness. How dare her be preggo. And that easy? I am just bitter. Bitter cause of the cancer issue but moreso because of the 6 negative fertility rounds and the eventual miscarriage at nearly 12 weeks. Bitter because I want another baby and I am not sure it is ever in my cards.
I want to be back to the carefree fun B. I am tired of the ups and downs. Yet I know that is a reality of my life now. There is always going to be a struggle to get the right medication dose and unfortunately that dose controls my thyroid function and therefor my mood....
Onto some tid bits from lately...
-Got on the treadmill the other day for the first time in months... Probably since June of this year. I am struggling with the altitude here. Plus the weight I have gained from the stress, medications, American food... lol... Took me 28 minutes to do a mile and a half. Definitely a long way from this time last year when I ran 7.8 miles!! Yet I have to start somewhere!!
- I registered for the Color Run in Sacramento August 3, 2013 with my bestie! I am sooo excited. I am determined to do at least 3-4 runs this year. No specific distances in mind... just back to running. I love what it did to my body. I am also signing up for Weight Watchers Feb 1! I have to wait for this next round of Radiation to be done since I have to go on that special Low Iodine Diet two weeks prior.
- We got a new car!! Well, actually a van. A Toyota Sienna. Our van was only 2 1/2 yrs old but we were having constant issues with our brakes and did not like the warranty service they provided. So happy with our purchase!
-My momma arrives this coming Sunday to be here for the surgery. My mother in law has been here since the beginning of the month. Oh- having the Neck Dissection done next Tuesday the 18th. 7-8 inches of new scar across my neck. We had a CT/PET scan done and the results were awesome. I still have cancerous nodes in there but they are not as big or as many as we thought... which means the last round of Radiation worked some... So this surgery should eliminate enough that the Radiation will eliminate the rest.
-I found a program I am going to apply to. It is an accelerated 14 month BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing). I would start May 2014 and finish August 2015. Awesome! Just missed the darn application period for this coming May. I do have a few classes I need to do as pre-req's though...
-We got our first real good snow! There are still patches of snow/ice on the road in our neighborhood.
-Found this letter Hais had written to Santa. Breaks my heart and makes me proud as well!
-Had Hais 10th birthday party last weekend. It was Cake Boss theme. They each made their own apron. Then decorated their own 6 inch premade cake. We rounded it out with making their own pizzas. We had a ball. Lee and my mother in law took Carter out for a few hours to make it a little less chaotic. It was actually easy having a sleepover with that age girls!
-Our house is all put together. Everything is all unpacked. The pictures are now on the walls! Feels so much better to know I will come home to my stuff/bed etc after surgery!
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