Kicking it into gear without even realizing it...

So- we are down to just a handful of days left. Just one single weekend left. Just a handful of nights in the same bed left. Deployment three is here. This time next week- we will already be several countries away from each other. Honestly- a world away from each other. What kills me about deployments- not knowing.

I have been married to this man almost 12 years. I know everything about him. I know his habits. I know his preferences. I know what his toothbrush looks like. What makes these deployments particularly difficult- not knowing these sections of his life. For each year he is gone- I do not know what his bed looks like. I do not know his daily routine. I do not know where he keeps his toothbrush or where he works. I mean- I see pictures and see it through Skype. It is not the same. It is weird to not know basic parts of my husbands life. So unsettling.

Today we got the official time and date I will have to drop him off. I am sad but honestly a little relieved that this time next week- the worst part will be over. The dropping them off, last hugs, watching them walk through that doorway... is awful. Pure torture. It is knowing that it is the last time they will see you (and even worse- their children) for months.

A weird thing happened though today. This wave of "pull your big girl panties up and adjust" sorta already started in me. I mowed the lawn. I vacuumed and washed the car. These are things I have to do while he is gone (and honestly- I do not mine). But I caught myself thinking about how it was already starting. I am on my own again. I will be fine. I know it. I am just ready to already be into this thing... The sooner it starts... the sooner it ends. Right?