Life on hold

I feel like life is on hold. I can't make any moves cause I am awaiting what that scan will show. I go through everyday.... A smile on my face... Doing normal stuff (with a lot less energy). I'm tired. Physically, of course. Emotionally, obviously.
I know this is a cancer that won't kill me. Yet, I feel like a shell of myself. I crawl into bed at 5:30-6 pm each night and lay here wondering what to think. I did a lot today but feel like I'm just going through the motions. I want to enjoy every second with my family but I am so drained.

I don't think anyone gets it either. First off, due to me pushing myself and keeping that smile on my face. Constantly. Also, cause they can't understand. They have no clue how hard being hypo is. NO thyroid function... Essentially effects all aspects of your body function. I'm tired. My mind is all screwy. More importantly... My body just cannot hang. I need to crawl into bed at 6pm. Yet my mind is not ready for bed. So I lay here cause my body just cannot move anymore today. I will finally fall asleep after awhile and then a few hours later I will toss and turn for hours.

The morning is the best time for me. Even waking up at 5am with Carter lately, I feel ok. But by 9:30am, my eyes are heavy and my body weak.

I try not to complain. Really, I have it easy. After reading some people's experiences going hypo... I am lucky! I think my body is celebrating that big chunk of cancer being out of my body!

Another crappy aspect, the Low Iodine Diet I have to be on for two weeks before radiation starts. Everything has iodine! Today for lunch, I ate a piece of iodine free white bread I made with all natural peanut butter sprinkled with cinnamon/sugar, an apple and some craisins. I had to watch everyone else eat my favorite curry wurst and pommes though:( Only four more days though! Woohoo! I already stocked up on snacks to bring to the hospital with me. The minute that pill is in my system... Bring on normal food! Lol

I am down 7 lbs though! In a week and a half! Yay!

Enough complaining. I have a treatable cancer. I have an easy form of treatment....compared to others. I have AMAZING support. Family and friends from all over the world calling, messaging, flying to me! Hugs that have meant the world to me. Cookies in the mail. Uplifting messages that seem SO well timed. A dad who is deathly afraid of long flights- made the journey here to Germany. In laws who have loved me like their own daughter and totally relieved some of the parental pressures so Lee & I could get our stuff together!

The military community we are in has rallied. Been our "net." The group downrange sending Lee home and getting paperwork to release him from theater quick. Getting his personal stuff sent back ASAP. Offering help in getting us back stateside ASAP. Offering to watch kids, push paperwork, contact their "friends," find Lee jobs at certain locations, get groceries for us, send flowers... The list goes on and on!

There is never a way to thank everyone. Not adequately anyhow. There will never be a way. Even in the worst of moments... We feel blessed. And loved.

Tomorrow morning, Lee and I will go to a long coffee together. We are going to sit down and make our plan. A PCS is happening. Quick! Made even quicker because of the stress of my first radiation treatment being right in the middle of all this. So, we are sitting down and making our list of tasks. Here. We. Go.



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Location:My bed