New Home-

We are moved in and getting settled...

Just waiting on our big shipment of household goods to arrive so that we can really make it our home...

Above is the front room- when you walk in the door... Technically it is our formal living and dining room...

We have already switched out the chandelier (cause that gold had to go!)

This is the family room. We already put in a super comfy sectional...

The front door!

Entrance to our neighborhood...

One side of the kitchen... Love my white cabinets and granite counters!

Kitchen view 2!

Favorite area of the house- the loft on the second floor. This is the "kid zone"

The view into our master bath/closet

Our Master Bedroom!

Hotel Living and baby makin'

So...we are officially homeless! We cleared housing today and are living in the hotel n post...which is awesome. Finally got a good sleep last night. Think the amount of stress lately is wearing on me. I have had a sty in my eye, a cold sore, back pain and general weakness lately. I know it is stress. What can you do though? I feel a huge relief today. I am more relaxed and can finally take a big breath.

Hard to believe that this time next week... We will be waking up in Colorado. That is awesome. Unbelievable how fast it has gone.

So...some updates. My neck is healing beautifully. It is numb around the scar and up to my chin. Small price to pay though. But the actual scar is great.

Our house is going great. Still set to close on November 8. I cannot wait to see it and only one more week until we get to!

I convinced myself I had MRSA. I believe I may have cervical cancer. My husband believes I am not officially a hypochondriac. Lol...Get cancer. It happens. Haha (by the way...I don't have either).

I have been a lot more confident lately. I know this is treatable.i know this time next year I will be ok. So that makes me think of my future more. I am so sad we lost the baby this past spring. Now I thank that baby for saving my life. Since I was no longer preggo- I finally was able to have my thyroid taken care of. I would have put it aside even longer. But I haven't lost my desire for the third Koko baby. That may seem crazy. At this point, I don't even have the energy for the two I have. Getting preggo can raise hormone levels that some say can increase my risk of cancer. Not saying it will happen... Heck, the hubby isn't even on board, but it is tempting.

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A place for my thoughts

So... Been thinking that I need to blog again. I have never claimed a specific focus on my blog. Wouldn't call myself a mommy blogger. Or a military wife blogger. Or a do-it-yourself blogger. Now I will say... I a a cancer survivor blogger.
There are days since my diagnosis where I am totally consumed with heart pounding thoughts. I have had what feels like the start of panic attacks lately. In my waking moments, I sometimes find myself wondering what life will be like next year at this time. I wonder about who my new doctors will be in Colorado.
So, an update. I had radiation. The first day, we found out that my neck is totally overrun with cancer. There are tons of lymph nodes involved and they are huge. I felt totally overwhelmed hearing that. I will need a radical neck dissection. They will cut from each of my ears to the outside edges of my thyroidectomy scar and clean out my neck. It is a HUGE. I am reading 6-10 hours of surgery people. Then a month later, another round of radiation.
The good news from that weekend of radiation treatment, it has not spread beyond my neck. With my type- it can spread to the lungs... It hasn't!
I'm not a super churchy person... But my girlfriend sent me a picture on Facebook with the quote- sometimes god calms the storm. Sometimes he lets the storm rage on and calms his child. As I sat in the full body scan that morning- I kept repeating... Calm the Storm. Calm the Storm.
When I got the results... I have never been soooo grateful in my life. Never.

While I have to face a big surgery. Another round of radiation. I get life. How can I not be grateful.

Yet, I still have stressed out moments. So now I will come here. I will talk them through here. I will use this forum to vent my stress. My sadness. My exhaustion. My fear.

If that is not what you signed up for when you became a follower of this blog... I understand you not following anymore... I need a place to deal with this...

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Location:Hammerstadtweg,Lehrberg,Germany

Life on hold

I feel like life is on hold. I can't make any moves cause I am awaiting what that scan will show. I go through everyday.... A smile on my face... Doing normal stuff (with a lot less energy). I'm tired. Physically, of course. Emotionally, obviously.
I know this is a cancer that won't kill me. Yet, I feel like a shell of myself. I crawl into bed at 5:30-6 pm each night and lay here wondering what to think. I did a lot today but feel like I'm just going through the motions. I want to enjoy every second with my family but I am so drained.

I don't think anyone gets it either. First off, due to me pushing myself and keeping that smile on my face. Constantly. Also, cause they can't understand. They have no clue how hard being hypo is. NO thyroid function... Essentially effects all aspects of your body function. I'm tired. My mind is all screwy. More importantly... My body just cannot hang. I need to crawl into bed at 6pm. Yet my mind is not ready for bed. So I lay here cause my body just cannot move anymore today. I will finally fall asleep after awhile and then a few hours later I will toss and turn for hours.

The morning is the best time for me. Even waking up at 5am with Carter lately, I feel ok. But by 9:30am, my eyes are heavy and my body weak.

I try not to complain. Really, I have it easy. After reading some people's experiences going hypo... I am lucky! I think my body is celebrating that big chunk of cancer being out of my body!

Another crappy aspect, the Low Iodine Diet I have to be on for two weeks before radiation starts. Everything has iodine! Today for lunch, I ate a piece of iodine free white bread I made with all natural peanut butter sprinkled with cinnamon/sugar, an apple and some craisins. I had to watch everyone else eat my favorite curry wurst and pommes though:( Only four more days though! Woohoo! I already stocked up on snacks to bring to the hospital with me. The minute that pill is in my system... Bring on normal food! Lol

I am down 7 lbs though! In a week and a half! Yay!

Enough complaining. I have a treatable cancer. I have an easy form of treatment....compared to others. I have AMAZING support. Family and friends from all over the world calling, messaging, flying to me! Hugs that have meant the world to me. Cookies in the mail. Uplifting messages that seem SO well timed. A dad who is deathly afraid of long flights- made the journey here to Germany. In laws who have loved me like their own daughter and totally relieved some of the parental pressures so Lee & I could get our stuff together!

The military community we are in has rallied. Been our "net." The group downrange sending Lee home and getting paperwork to release him from theater quick. Getting his personal stuff sent back ASAP. Offering help in getting us back stateside ASAP. Offering to watch kids, push paperwork, contact their "friends," find Lee jobs at certain locations, get groceries for us, send flowers... The list goes on and on!

There is never a way to thank everyone. Not adequately anyhow. There will never be a way. Even in the worst of moments... We feel blessed. And loved.

Tomorrow morning, Lee and I will go to a long coffee together. We are going to sit down and make our plan. A PCS is happening. Quick! Made even quicker because of the stress of my first radiation treatment being right in the middle of all this. So, we are sitting down and making our list of tasks. Here. We. Go.



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Location:My bed

Official GoodBye to Our House

Goodbye living room I have painted 5 times in 4 years! (What can I say... I am a little indecisive!) We finally settled on this awesome green color called Tabu! This is the living room that hosted the YaYa Party. It was also the home to the infamous "Puke heard round the world"- thanks John P! It was the home to many scary movies and chick flicks. It hosted easter egg hunts, 4 wonderful Christmas mornings among other important days. Also, it is the home to the "ceiling of many fall throughs!" How can I forget the many nights of RockBand. I must say that our flight school crowd is the best! Will on his knees filming himself, Steph belting out Mississippi Queen, the boy vs girl competition (which was it truly a competition??)
This room looks so much bigger without all her furniture and toys in it. This is where Hai had her first sleep over (with Lillianna). This is where I found play makeup ground into the rug (also Lillianna and Hais- I knew they were too quiet Kim!) It is the place that Hailee got too old to take naps.
This room held a special place in my heart. It was more than a spare bedroom. If we ever referred to it, it was called Shannons bedroom, even a year after she left! It does not look the same as when she was there but it will always be her bedroom!
The master. This is the room where magic happens-- haha. For those who have never seen the MTV show Cribs- nevermind! This room saw a lot of tears (when Lee was deployed).

The kitchen where I had many wonderful conversations. It was our loungin place. It was the home of some wonderful meals and some great memories. It was also the home to a lot of hard work! The flooring spread dust throughout the house. The cabinets were almost the end of our marraige and the most expensive ceiling texture EVER!

Goodbye to our first house!