It's my blog- I can cry if I want to

Honestly, today was the slap in the face I needed. I always hear about people having those "ah-ha" moments. The ones that make them snap to attention and get things straight that they have been ignoring. Today was that day.

A few months ago I took my daughter for a sports physical. During that appointment, the nurse practioner said that my daughter has low iodine because her neck is a little thicker than it should be. Then while she was telling me about it and what to do- she mentioned that she could tell that I do too. So- I finally went in today to get it checked out by my doctor. Sure enough... I have a goiter! For real. It is not truly noticable by people. A doctor would notice it and I definitely notice it now. There is an enlargement on the right side of my trachea, at the bottom of my neck. I've noticed the enlargement since it was mentioned a few months ago. I have also noticed the difficulty swallowing. So- I knew it was coming. I knew he was going to confirm what I already knew. Sure enough- I am now scheduled for some advanced labs and an ultrasound of the area. Those will confirm what we already know and then there will be another test done- I cannot remember the name.

Funny thing is, one of the biggest causes of this is low iodine. Most people get their iodine through salt they add to their food and seafood. In the states- salt is iodized and added to alot. So most people do not even think about it. Here in Europe they do not iodize their salt. Plus- I always thought salt was bad. I equated it to high blood pressure. I figured I was already a risk because of my weight. So I thought by not adding salt to anything I was being healthy! Talk about kicking myself now!

Anyways... it just stinks. I am already dealing with PCOS (and all of its lovely side effects: weight gain, difficulty losing weight, hair growth, acne etc), infertility (thank you PCOS), and now a goiter! Did I mention, once the enlargement starts it is near impossible to shrink. So I can stop the growth with medicine but will always have the enlargement now! Definitely taking Hais in to have her checked out as well.

So... all this time I have worried about things like diabetes and high blood pressure. Or heart attacks. And I was blindsided with a goiter! Either way- as much as I needed a good cry to deal with it and a good "Why is all this happening to me," I am not out of the fight. I know that I control some of this. I cannot control the goiter happening... but I can figure out how to deal with it now. I did not cause the PCOS. But I can figure out how to address it in my life. It means adjustments and a lot of hard work. I can control my weight. I did play a role in that area. While PCOS played a role- I cannot claim that I am eating healthily and working out either. So- I definitely can make some positive changes there.

If you made it this far- I appreciate you listening. I am just trying to figure out what it will take me to finally wake up. What will be that ah-ha moment? I feel like this is it but I worry that it will not last.

I want to end this on a high note... so here are some things that make me happy...